about me

1. i spend more time dicking around on facebook then being productive at work

2. i'd rather eat my own testicles than show compassion towards the downtrodden

3. i wrote a song about fat dead women lying naked in a morgue

4. i harbor resentment towards ben gifford after i caught him making out with my brother

5. i never should have tried to shave my balls after drinking 10 beers

6. i cry after i orgasm

7. all my friends think i'm gay

8. most women think i'm gay

9. i save my farts (for special occasions)

10. i'm still waiting for my first period

11. i thought the movie "showgirls" was nothing short of a treasure

12. i wear a thong when i attend church

13. i can never find my purse (especially when i'm running late)

14. if i was a woman, i'd physically abuse aaron manter and blame him for not being perfect

15. i have a restraining order against my proctologist

16. he has one against me too

17. i'm going to school to be a "purse whisperer"...i have an insatiable urge to manipulate the personal
belongings of women...creepy?...i certainly hope so ;)

18. did i mention i save my farts?